That Girl Card Revoked

From That Girl To Broke!

Where My Prayer Warriors At?

What the hell? Why was my That Girl card revoked? It's officially gone. Confiscated. I don't know exactly how it happened, but somewhere between 2020 and now, I went from having a meticulously planned out routine and flawlessly structured life to doom scrolling in my living room wondering if wearing three day old pajamas counts as an outfit. Seriously,… Did someone put the evil eye on me! Because they say when your career starts taking off, you have to protect your energy. Especially on social media. I definitely dropped the ball and let my guard down somewhere!

Dear Lord, let no weapon formed against me prosper!

Before 2020, I was thriving and having the absolute best time of my life. Opportunities seemed to find me everywhere I turned. My career was finally taking off, emails poured in, the phone never stopped buzzing, and my savings account kept growing. Between work and life, I was hardly ever home. The dream apartment I called home basically became a place where I changed outfits and paid rent. I was always headed to a meeting, filming something, attending an event, or chasing the next opportunity. Life wasn't just exciting. It felt like everything I had prayed for was finally starting to happen.

Maybe running late night miles with my favorite songs blasting in my ears provided a surge of endless energy, because the mental capacity to be the friend everyone called when life fell apart was always there. Somehow, knowing exactly what to say was my superpower. It is funny how years later, those same words would be so incredibly hard to find for myself.

What Happened To Almond Summers?

Getting my That Girl Card revoked feels like somebody sneaked into my story and started pulling bricks out of the foundation. It was as if a string unraveled and, little by little, a different life was forming. My dream apartment flooded, filled with dust, damaged furniture and toxic mold. I went from being a girl who never caught so much as a cold or a cough to getting sick all the time. I lost my mom. Blindsided by friendship betrayals. That hard earned savings account I was so proud of vanished into medical bills and forever increasing rent. Just like that, the career I had worked so hard to build, the one that was destined for success came to a screeching halt while the rest of the world kept moving.

I have a working theory that in 2020, a glitch in the matrix must have switched me with another version of myself in a parallel universe. She’s out there somewhere living my best life, while I’m stuck here shaking her piggy bank for spare change and digging through couch cushions just to buy Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Life is funny like that. Normally I'd never spend money on doughnuts. But today doesn't feel like a greens and protein kind of day. Taking a moment to walk out of this story by going left instead of right is the only option.

Today I’m waiting for the Hot Now sign to light up (if you know you know) and preparing myself to face this challenge. After pulling up through the drive thru and paying with a roll of quarters, I gasped at how expensive these doughnuts are. When did a dozen original glazed doughnuts start costing twenty one dollars! Oh well, I’ll look at the bright side. One good thing about being single is I get to eat the entire box all by myself.

Succumbing To The Storm

Today everything is gone. Starting over is no longer a choice; five years later this is my forced reality.

My days have been completely lost to the sickness, Google University ailment research rabbit holes, and doom scrolling through the void. This apartment is usually immaculate, neat, and tidy, but finding the drive to clean anything or even shower feels impossible. Even my house plants and trees withered away and I have a green thumb. Stress has caused my hair to fall out in chunks, so rushing to wash it regularly just seems pointless. Taking down these braids only to watch more hair clumps accumulate on the floor makes me sad. Talk about a That Girl demotion. "Think positive." Uh-huh, okay. Everything that meant something to me was revoked.

If it wasn't for my Youtube family and my beautiful cousin who is like my sister forcefully telling me to get up, I would still be glued to this couch feeling sorry for myself.

Dust Ya Self Off & Try Again

If you are stuck in a loop, try walking in a straight line. Nothing changes if nothing changes. So in order for me to move through this, I had to write a blog post and film a YouTube video to get this energy out of me. I don’t expect anyone to care because most people don’t, but for me, but regardless I feel lighter and stronger. This experience has taught me so much and I am glad to be in the rebuilding phase and not the low resilience cloud I couldn’t shake. Hey, five years of my life is gone and I can’t get it back, so I must move forward and fast.

For now, the plan is to do things that used to make me happy and listening to some old vinyl records is one of them. Five years of collected dust. That's how long these albums have sat untouched in the dark cabinet. I decided to play Bad Mama Jama, my ultimate go to song, right along with Ain’t No Stopping Us Now. Suddenly memories of my stepdad come rushing back. He used to absolutely love blasting his albums while cleaning the house, singing a song called Sincerely in a voice that was pure, soulful magic. Finding that exact same song hidden in my vinyl collection today instantly brought on the tears. It was purchased five years ago; I never played it and completely forgot about it. But holding it, thinking about him, and seeing this album makes the impossible feel possible. I can push through this.

Once this apartment is finally cleaned, picking up the pieces means selling everything I own to pay bills and setting up my new business. An entrepreneurial spirit is wired into my DNA. It is officially time to gather up whatever sticks are left on the ground, build a ladder, and climb my way right back up to the top of this hill.

I head toward the bathroom to take the hot shower I've been promising myself all day. That's when I see it.

A tiny pink heart shaped Post-it stuck to my mirror. Three words. Show Up For Yourself. Maybe I didn't lose my That Girl card after all. Maybe life just tucked it underneath grief, illness, survival, and a little too much fear. And maybe... today was the first day I started looking for it again.

♡

What's one tiny thing you've done lately that reminded you you're still in there? Some stories are even better when you can see the expressions, hear the laughter, and experience the moments as they happened. Watch the full video of this story on my YouTube channel.